Been quite awhile since I broke my wrist. I still can’t play guitar, but I have been on a creative streak as of the past week or so. I started working on an old script, categorizing a bunch of old writing, working on parts of three paintings, and prepping wood and canvases for later works. I’ve been waiting for this moment for some time now. I was trapped in that cast ready to burst with energy and fervor for the next wave to come along. This work is going to take up the next few years of my life, but I can’t sit around and wait for something or someone good to come along. I guess this is my new revelation, not that I am alone, but only I am capable of creating my future. Though I will admit it is half as fun with no one to share it with, but that I believe is something that I can deal with now. I can’t wait for the rest of my love ones, friends, and family to step up and focus. Only I can lead by example. I’ve always had this quote by Charles Bukowski that reminded me to keep going. I thought I understood then, but it resonates through my broken bones.
“If you’re going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don’t even start. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery–isolation. Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. And, you’ll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you’re going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It’s the only good fight there is.”
— Charles Bukowski (Factotum)
I won’t wait for those who can’t make up their minds. I can’t wait for those who are so full of fear that they can’t make decisions. I won’t wait for those who violate my trust and my kindness. This may mean being alone on this road. So be it. I will work harder, faster and better. My resolve has awakened.
See you at the top.